The Dream of a Mail Person
by Shhabam
Summary: George Washington and dedicated post person, Amber, finds herself in the middle of a global conflict between wizards, superheroes, and vampires. Will she be able to deliver her letters in time? Will she ever finish that sandwich?


"You have powers," said the stamp. The stamp was a white stamp with wavy edges and had a picture of George Washington on it who was the first United States president and wore a white powdered wig with a sky blue velvet bow that was tied at the end of his ponytail and he had wooden teeth that were made of maple and when he smiled everyone died and he never saved any British people even from fires or dog attacks and he was so divine and rode a bear made of diamonds.

"Really, do you think so?" said Amber.

"You have a train following you," answered the stamp. The stamp had one red eye and one black eye and had dyed its hair to match.

"It's the Hogwarts Express!" said Amber, as the train wrecked through the post office. Shape stepped off the train. His corset was too tight and there was a rip in one of his stockings. A false eyelash was stuck in his hair. He handed Amber a letter.

"Give this to Edward Cullen for me," Snape demanded, then boarded the train. The train reversed and drove out of sight. Amber held up the letter to the light. She could see inside was a baby sock. The stamp was wearing a leotard with a picture of George Washington who was wearing a wig on top of two more wigs and had a pocket full of candy and who liked to smile and say hey and steal everybody's hearts. The stamp gave Amber a bowl of hummus that spelled out "go on a quest."

Amber left the post office to find Edward Cullen. She wondered what her powers were. Amber noticed a man in a pile of winter coats on the side of the highway. She tried to pull over to help him but crashed into a tree because of the stamps she wore as glasses. Amber climbed out of the wreckage and went to the person in the winter coats who was screaming politely.

"Let's take off these coats," said Amber, pulling off a raincoat. Underneath the raincoat was a fire suit and a handful of grapes. Under the suit was a block of ice. Frozen in it was what looked like a can of diced fruit. The screaming had stopped. Inside the can of fruit was a baby sock. Inside the baby sock was a tiny Edward Cullen. It was dead. Amber looked at the pale tiny Edward in her hand. He was normally pale, but he was extra pale because he was dead. She teared up slightly at the thought.

"Someone traded me that for one of my coats. I've been using it to keep warm." The man under the pile of coats said.

"Yes that makes sense." Amber said touching the hot ice. The warmth reminded her of the sun, and that made her think about yellow snow cones, and those made her think about lemons, and lemons made her think about ladders sense they both start with "L", and then she remembered the time she walked under a ladder and slipped, and she slipped because she wasn't wearing socks. Socks! Amber glanced down at her hand that held the dead tiny vampire. She then knew what she had to do.

She turned on her heels and didn't look back as the coat man yelled she lost her stamp glasses. Those amazing glasses would have to wait. Amber went to the nearest payphone and called Edward's family. The number was easy to memorize because it was 666-6666. She informed them of the unfortunate death and told them to meet her at the nearest cemetery. She then walked into Wal-Mart and announced his death by singing a rendition of "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore. Amber knew this couldn't be a proper funeral, but hoped her efforts were enough.

When she got the cemetery the Cullen family was already gathered around. The sun sparkled against them, and not just because of their crazy skin, they were dressed in Mariachi glitter outfits.

"Thank goodness you're here!" Edwards "mom" greeted her as she blew her nose into a handkerchief. "Let me see him please."

Amber slid the tiny Edward still in the baby sock to her. As the family sniffled and cried over Edward, Amber dug a tiny hole. She finished quickly, obviously because the hole was so small and stood up and cleared her throat. "Should we say a few words?"

Edwards "mom" nodded and began. Each family member said a few heartfelt lines as they passed Edward around. The entire thing was quite weird. Finally, baby sock Edward got to Amber. She hadn't known Cullen well, she had delivered his mail, but they weren't very close friends. "Edward was a very cool cat. He shouldn't have died at the young age of 456. My condolences to you, death actually runs in my family, so I don't want to say I know what you feel like, but I've been in your position before. Sorry for your loss." Amber bent down and placed Edward in the hole.

His family members began throwing flowers over him, but as the third flower dropped, a hawk swooped down and grabbed Edward. There was a 3 second silent pause of registration followed by collective screaming. In all the commotion, no one noticed the two people who randomly appeared. They quickly grabbed Amber wrapping a hand around her mouth so she wouldn't make a sound, not that it mattered anyways, vampire screams were ear piercing.

Amber struggled for a few minutes, but she was quickly let go by her captors. She turned and readied herself for a fight with what little skills she had from postal worker defense class. Before Amber could decide whether to throw the 'paper cut throat slicer punch' or the 'stamps to the knee kick', the two masked strangers tore off their disguise. And by golly gee it was Captain America. She could tell because he smelled of freedom and he wore an American flag cape. Amber stared at Captain America in amazement and confusion. If Captain America had given her enough time, she probably would have made weird throat noises but instead he shoved a slip of paper in her hand, and said "Dress less conspicuous." And then dramatically flipped his cape and ran off with his partner.

Amber might have been offended by his comment, but how could she possibly be upset by someone who smelled like bacon and America. After five minutes of standing wide eyed, Amber finally got the sense to see where she was, thankfully they had only dragged her to the parking lot. She knew where she was (not that she wouldn't anyways, she was a mail person for crying out loud), she could see homeless coat man a couple of yards away.

Amber unfolded the paper which simply had an address written on it and 'be there in 15 mins'. It was for a shop in the mall. She didn't know which specific shop, she knew addresses, not names; she wasn't some kind of weird person. The time limit kind of discouraged her though. How was she supposed to change clothes? She glanced down at her George Washington mail shirt, and her bright pink pants, they would just have to do. Now for transportation. Her car was smashed and no one ever picked up hitchhikers in Forks, at least not after the last time (the hitchhiker turned out to be a cereal killer. Forktonians love them some cereal and couldn't risk any more harmless breakfast food being destroyed).

Amber turned in circles looking for something that could get her to the mall fast. She stopped on homeless coat man after two spins, remembering his random items under his mysterious stack. She jogged over to his corner of the parking lot.

"Hey, you got anything with wheels? Something fast and efficient?"

"Hmm, I think I know what you're looking for…" Coat man shuffled in his piles, "Aha, how about a motorbike?"

"Nah, too flashy."

"A bicycle?"

"Never learned to ride one."

"An electric scooter?"

"Close, but no."

Coat man sighed, "This is the last item I have", he said as he held up rollerblades.

"That's exactly what I need!" Amber reached her hand to grab them, but coat man pulled them away.

"You can have them if you let me keep your stamp glasses." Motioning to the glasses on the ground that had been thrown off her head during the crash.

"You drive a tough bargain mister, but deal!" Amber grabbed the blades and hurriedly put them on. Something Fury caught her eye as she stood up. "Is that a coat?" (Dumb question, of course it is!)

"Yes, she's my finest fur coat, what will you give me for her?"

Amber patted her pockets, "I have $100 in quarters and a book of scratch-n-sniff stickers."

"Oooh, give me the stickers and the coat is yours!"

Amber berated herself for even mentioning the stickers. Why couldn't he have just taken her arcade money instead? She grabbed the fur coat (refer to Macklemore in Thrift Shop to get an idea of look), and shoved it on before rollerblading off into the sunset.

The mall wasn't an actual mall. Forks wasn't big enough for more than two specialty stores: a Hot Topic and a sandwich place. It was only called the mall because the two stores were one building, and that was kind of like a mall, right?

Amber stopped at the no rollerblading sign, just before the entrance, she was a law abiding citizen after all. She unlaced her blades, but quickly realized she left her shoes at coat man's. She left her blades by the sign and walked in with her George Washington socks featuring him with sunglasses, a gold chain, and throwing up peace signs.

Amber didn't normally go into the Hot Topic/sandwich shop store. She bought all her George Washington themed clothes at Wal-Mart or over the internet. Plus she wasn't much of a sandwich person.

The outside of the store looked pretty rundown, but the inside was clearly alive. The store wasn't split in half (that wouldn't make logical sense) instead dining tables were surrounded by goth clothes and band t-shirts were on either side of the menu. The cash register was for both stores so the sign under the desk said "Hot Sandwich", the hot being in the signature Hot Topic font and the sandwich font being the cute cursive lettering only a restaurant could pull off.

Amber pushed through the crowd, some waiting in line to order, some browsing clothes, and others spectating the browsers (there wasn't a movie theater, so people had limited options for fun). She saw the unmistakable Captain America in the back table surrounded by two other people. Amber straightened her fur coat before walking to the table. The guy with an eye patch saw her first and stood up followed by the other members too. Captain America eyed her outfit and looked slightly disappointed. Amber cringed; she had let down her country which meant that she ultimately let down George Washington. She guessed the fur coat wasn't subtle enough.

"Hello Amber, postal worker from 19th street, who lives on the 2nd floor in a renovated closet." Said the eyepatch man in his grumbly voice. "I'm Nick Fury." He stuck out his hand and Amber shook it reluctantly, how did he know all this info? But Amber had to act brave because Captain America was watching.

"You've already met Mr. Bacon." Fury said, motioning to Captain America, "And this is Sunny" Amber looked at the girl standing partially behind Fury. She wore an apron with the "Hot Sandwich" logo stitched over the pocket. Amber recognized her from the "kidnapping". Sunny blew a bubble and popped it loudly, reminding Amber to remember her manners even if she had no idea what was going on. She stuck out her right hand, but Sunny stuck out her left hand so it was a really weird hand shake.

"Ugh…do you have a last name?" Amber asked out of awkwardness.

"Do you?" Sunny asked.

"Good point."

"Now then let's sit. I assume you know why you're here, Amber." Fury said pulling out his chair.

"Well, is it because of the talking stamp? Or maybe Edward Cullen's death? Or Snape's vi—"

"You saw Snape?" Amber was cut off by a sharp turn in Fury's voice. Captain America and Sunny sat up straighter to see if anyone heard anything.

"We need to move to a more secure location." Captain America whispered as he stood.

Amber remained in her seat. "What are you talking about?"

"Follow me." Sunny said as she motioned for Amber to get up and led the group to a door labeled 'Employees Only'. Once everyone was in the small room, Sunny locked the door.

"Ok, so start from the beginning." Fury looked intently at Amber.

"Sure thing. Ok, so I was born in here in For—"

Captain America slammed his hand on the table, making Amber jump, Sunny and Fury were unaffected. "Not that beginning. Oh my god, what are we going to do? She so dumb, so dumb." Captain America jumped out of his chair and began pacing frantically. "Were supposed to find the chosen one, but she's obviously not it, what do we do, what do—" Captain America was stopped in his tracks when Sunny slapped him across the face.

"GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF MR. USA!" Sunny yelled as she twisted his collar in her hand. "Go sit in the corner." Sunny pointed to the small space between the wall and the broken vending machine.

Captain America teared up a bit, but complied, sitting in the corner in a fetal position, thumb in mouth. Sunny sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Err can someone please explain what's going on?" Amber asked looking from Sunny, to Fury, to Captain America and back again.

"Nose goes." Nick Fury shot his finger to his nose.

"Ugh fine." Sunny said as she rolled her eyes. She took a seat beside Amber and leaned her elbows on the table.

"So when did you see Snape?"

Amber quickly explained her encounter, really just wanting to hear Sunny's explanation for the day's events.

"Hmm, Freedom and I must have been taking a bathroom break." Amber's look of confusion prompted Sunny to continue. "We've been following you." Sunny said like it was the most normal thing in the world and not an invasion of privacy. Amber might have said something, but Sunny kept talking and she didn't want to interrupt. "So if you saw Snape, why didn't you report him?"

"What? Why would I report him?"

"Hello? Have you not seen the news? He's had a warrant out for his arrest for over a year now!"

"I deliver the news, I don't have time to read it!" Amber said in her defense.

Sunny popped a bubble loudly in frustration. "Then how do you even know who Snape is?"

"Oh, he was my second year potion's teacher!" Amber explained, remembering her fun times at Hogwarts, not in potion class.

"You went to Hogwarts?"

"Yeah, but I got kicked out my third year because supposedly 'you're not supposed to take letters from the owls to deliver them yourself'." Amber said mocking the administrator's voice who expelled her. "It's okay though, I realized my dream lied elsewhere."

"Oh we were in the same year, I remembering hearing about that incident. I actually completed my Hogwarts's—" Sunny was interrupted by Captain America blowing his nose, "education."

"Don't get off on a tangent, continue explaining what we have to deal with." Fury said motioning for Sunny to continue.

"Anyways, Snape is a major leader of the ISWUAYWSTEOTW (pronounced is-wu-ah-stee-out) aka Illuminati- Stick with Us and You Will Survive the End of the World. Long name, I know. The group wants to do what any evil group wants to do, take over the world and eliminate those who oppose them. Over the past year, Snape's involvement in the group has garnered major support from prominent political leaders like Donald Trump, and popular musicians such as Macklemore."

Amber clutched her heart, "Macklemore? No." Amber whispered, questioning her idolization of the now clearly deranged rapper.

Sunny shook her head at Amber sympathetically. "It gets worse, Snape has the group convinced that he is on their side, when in reality he only cares for himself. He wants to become dictator of the world, and he's gaining as much support as he can with this group, their pretty much his lackeys and will do whatever he says."

"Dictator of the world? How is that even possible?" Amber asked, clearly Snape didn't think he could control the whole world?

Fury cut in here, "Normally it isn't, but Snape has brainwashed most of the superheroes, he is a wizard, and he has a giant human army. Anything is in reach for him right now."

"Wait, most? What superheroes are left?"

"You're looking at them." Captain America said from his corner, throat scratchy from. "Can I get up now?" Sunny nodded and pulled out a chair for him.

"Oh my gosh, what are we supposed to do? All the superheroes are gone? How is it even possible to stop him?" Amber started hyperventilating, but Sunny gave her a stern look so she forced herself to calm down. She wasn't about to get slapped.

Fury went on, "I said the superheroes are gone; there are other supernatural powers in the world. For one, vampires. Edward Cullen was the driving force behind AIP, the Anti-Illuminati Party (they added 'party' to make the group sound more appealing). The vampires, werewolves, ghost, wizards who hate Snape, and about 25% of humans are a part of the group."

"Oh well that's a pretty strong force to fight back, right?" Amber asked hopefully.

Captain America sighed, now back to his normal 'I'm Mother Freedom' state, he answered her question, "Not exactly, as Fury just said, Edward was a major leader. His death struck a blow to the moral of the AIP. I mean seriously look at the AIP Twitter tag."

Amber grabbed his phone, "So much for saving the world, guess I'll join the other side so I can SURVIVE #AIPsucks # ISWUAYWSTEOTWhereIcome #Snapeforthewin."

"They go on forever." Captain America said taking his phone back.

"So what does this mean y'all are supposed to do?"

"Not 'y'all', Amber, 'we'." Fury said.

It wasn't much of an explanation, so Amber looked at Sunny for help.

Sunny popped her gum again, "You obviously have superpowers, we don't know what they are, but we know you'll figure them. And we need all the help we can get."

"Plus," Fury added, "I got a fortune cookie, that said 'the chosen one, is coming', and you showed up today."

"Wait you think the chosen one is me?" Amber was taken back, lots had happened today, but this was definitely the strangest.

She got three different answers of 'no', 'yes', and 'maybe' from Captain America, Fury, and Sunny respectively.

"There's only one way to find out, I'll go get the sandwich." Fury stood up and exited the employee break room.

"The sandwich?"

"Fury will explain." Captain America said.

Amber nodded her head, not really following what was going on, but hoping things would clear up.

"Ok so, I still don't understand why you think I have superpowers, I mean wouldn't I know?"

Sunny rolled her eyes, "Look the stamp told you you had powers, right?"

Amber nodded and Sunny continued.

"Well when you have powers, your subconscious tries to awaken them if you haven't done it yourself, and in order to do that, it speaks through an object you closely identify with.

"Wait so the stamp wasn't really talking?"

"Well it was talking to you. We just saw you talking to the stamp and knew it was time to confront you."

"Oh, ok, so when do I find out my powers?" Amber asked, amazed that she could actually be a superhero. Then maybe she could finally live up to George Washington's standards.

Sunny snorted, "How should I know?"

"What are yours then? I mean you're all superheroes, what can you do?" Amber side eyed Captain America, she had seen him in movies, but she wasn't sure if that was just special effects.

"Of course! Why else would we be here? Captain America is the very embodiment of freedom, Fury can sense other super heroes, that's why we were sent to follow you, and I'm a shapeshifter."

"Seriously? Neato, can you turn into anything?"

Sunny nodded and popped another pink bubble.

"Hmm…" Amber looked around the room. "Can you turn into an eyepatch?"

Sunny didn't say anything, but instead answered her question by, sure enough, becoming an eyepatch.

"How about Captain America?" Sunny grew into the man and did a not-so-nice impression of his cry face that made the real Captain America cross his arms and look away.

"Oh my god, this is so cool! Can you turn into George Washington?" Amber was bouncing on her seat from excitement.

Sunny morphed back into her original form, "What the heck, no, that's weird."

"Oh." Amber said pouting slightly. She didn't have time to be sad for long because Fury opened. In his hand he held a simple sub on a Styrofoam plate (Forks wasn't very environmentally friendly).

Fury set the plate in front of Amber. "Take a bite."

"What?"

"Eat it?"

"Wait? Why?" Amber looked at the sandwich, it definitely didn't look bad, but it didn't look good either.

"Stop asking questions, just take a bite and tell me how it taste. It will tell us whether or not you're the chosen one, whether or not you can defeat Snape."

Amber stared at the sandwich. It looked like any other sandwich, she didn't understand how it could hold the key to her future, her destiny. She looked up at the expectant faces huddled, around the table, their anticipation for what Amber would say.

Amber picked up the sandwich and took a bite. Her eyes widen, it was the most delicious sandwich she ever tasted. She closed her eyes in enjoyment and didn't see the dropped faces of the others. She went to take another bite, but Fury snatched it from her. "Hey—" she began.

"Too much will kill you, besides it's clear you're not the chosen one." Fury threw the sandwich in the garbage and stared at the can in frustration.

"That was the most delicious thing I've ever tasted." Amber said, mouth salivating just from the thought.

"That's the point!" Fury said raising his voice. "If you were the chosen one, it would be disgusting! We all tried it, and it was amazing. Now were doomed!" Fury stormed out of the room slamming the door behind him.

Amber stared at the closed door. How did she screw up expectations she didn't know were put on her. She felt guilty even though she knew none of this was her fault. What would George Washington think of her?

"Hey," Sunny said gently touching her shoulder so Amber would look at her, "It's no big deal, we weren't expecting anything."

"Y'all aren't mad?" Amber looked at Captain America and Sunny.

"Well I didn't think it was you anyways…" Sunny swatted his knee.

"Look we all tried the sandwich and a little part of each of us thought or hoped we were the chosen one, but we weren't. It is what it is. Don't feel bad."

"But what do we do now?" Amber didn't see how the world could be saved if no one could stop Snape.

"Well the chosen one is out there, Fury will keep looking." Captain America answered.

"Plus, you haven't figured out your powers. So we have to go on that quest." Sunny added.

"Quest."

"Yeah, I mean, were not doing it for you, Snape has the power to sense superheroes, that's how he found you, and we don't want him getting the scroll that tells people how to unlock their powers."

"A scroll? That sounds like the plot of Kung Fu Panda. Are you sure we don't have to just accept ourselves to access our powers?"

"Have you not accepted yourself?" Sunny asked looking at Ambers George Washington themed shirt, pink pants, and fur coat.

"Ok, you're right, when do we start?"

"Tomorrow." Sunny said as she stood up from the table. "Go home and get some rest, we'll pick you up." She popped her gum one last time before spitting it in the trash and exiting the room followed by Captain America.

Amber didn't know what she had gotten herself into, but she was excited to see where this adventure would take her.


End file.
